The Field
by anakinlove
Summary: "Jason" Bruce said incredulously, "Jason, I can't believe it's you, I thought you were dead."


I know, this guy is a little dark. It totally depressed my beta, which is also my sister by the way. It has a happy ending though, as usual. Hope you like.

Bruce stumbled almost blindly into the dimly lit room. Tears fell off his cheeks like rainwater and the bottle creaked in his hand. He'd stayed away from these so long, Dick had stopped checking his room, but that had been a mistake.

Bruce was beginning to lose his sense of balance and he toppled to the ground with a moan. He was growing cold. His only regret now was that the boys were gone and he wouldn't get to see them again. Dick had taken Tim out to see a movie that evening, because of him.

Dick knew he had to get Tim out of the house. Bruce was becoming too volatile. He was always volatile on this day, the anniversary of Jason's last mission. Tim didn't really understand, he was too young. Dick almost did, because he was older, but not quite.

Bruce couldn't get the boy's cold look out his head. Well, the man's. Dick was a man now, ashamed with him because of the way he had treated Tim that morning. Well, Dick wouldn't have to worry about that anymore. Bruce would hopefully be beyond the point of no return by the time he arrived. His eyes fell out of focus so he closed them. Ahh, the sweet chill of death.

Dick was wary when he brought Tim home, but he acted cheery and nonchalant as he walked in the door. He was contemplating spending the night on the couch in Wayne manor, to be there just in case Tim needed him later. You never knew what could happen when Bruce lapsed into mourning.

Bruce used to get this way sometimes on the anniversary of his parents' deaths, when Dick had been about Tim's age. During those times, sometimes Ollie would come to get him out of the house, sometimes Clark. Later, Dick had left on his own, being old enough to drive.

This newest death had crushed Bruce even more then that. It was one thing to lose your parents as a child and blame yourself partially after many years had passed, it was another to lose a child and blame yourself fully, carrying fresh pain.

Dick was slightly ashamed of himself after the way he had treated Bruce earlier in the afternoon. After all, the situation was delicate, but he wasn't going to put Tim through any unnecessary discomfort or confusion. Tim was his baby brother; he had to take care of him.

"Bruce, we're home", Dick announced as he and Tim came in the door. The house was silent and dark. Dick wondered if Bruce had gone on patrol or perhaps gone to bed.

A chill swept Dick's spine. Something was wrong here. "Dick", Tim whispered, "Dick, I don't like this. I feel like something's not right here." Dick put a hand on Tim's shoulder and squeezed it gently. Then he went upstairs, trying to keep his pace slow so as not to worry Tim.

Dick walked down the long hallway, Tim staying close to his side, and opened Bruce's door. A shaft of light fell across the furniture in the room and Dick saw no one, but that did not mean no one was there. Dick's former mentor had a habit of lurking in the shadows. "Bruce", he called questioningly into the depths.

Dick got no answer and was about to close the door when Tim gave a yelp and said, "look." He pointed to something on the ground, something Dick couldn't quite identify. Dick went foreword a little into Bruce's room and suddenly stopped.

"Ohh God", he said, and raced foreword. There was Bruce, lying still on the ground.

"He's dead", Tim wailed, tears rushing down his cheeks. Dick didn't hear him though. He was already blaming himself. Ohh, why had he left him alone this night of all nights? What was he thinking?

His eyes fell upon the bottle lying about a foot away where it had rolled after slipping from Bruce's grasp. Dick picked it up. "How could you not notice he bought these Tim?" he said angrily, "Why didn't you see?"

"I'm sorry", Tim wailed, "I didn't know he had them. I thought he was ok."

"Yea well, he wasn't", Dick said, "and you should have noticed." Tim was crying harder now, but he turned away from Dick. Dick suddenly realized what he had put on the boy's shoulders, whose murder he had charged him with. Guilt again washed over him.

"No Tim no, I'm sorry", Dick said suddenly, "This wasn't your fault." Tim turned slightly, the light illuminating his red eyes, the tears pouring out like a waterfall from him. He shook his head.

"It is my fault", he said between sobs, "you're right."

"No Tim", Dick said fiercely, "come here." He opened his arms and Tim rushed into them, crying against Dick's leather jacket. Dick held him tightly with one arm, tears threatening to spill over his own cheeks.

He chanced a glance down at the bottle and read the label. His heart gave a lurch. Dick had seen these before. They were the slow acting kind. It looked like Bruce had only taken a few. There could still be a chance!

Dick transferred Bruce's head onto his lap and groped eagerly for a pulse. There it was, faint, but present. There was no time to get an ambulance, that would take a while, but perhaps they didn't need one. Dick knew that if could get those pills out of Bruce's stomach in time, and keep him breathing until then, there might still be a chance.

"Tim", Dick said urgently, "Tim listen to me." Tim looked up at him with large, miserable eyes. "He's still alive Tim", Dick said, "and if we hurry, we can save him." Tim was all ears now, blue eyes shinning with hope.

"I need you to run as fast as you can down to the drug store and pick me up a bottle of those pills that make you throw up, you know the ones, ok." Tim nodded and got up.

"I don't have any money", he said.

"Here", Dick replied, fishing his wallet out of his pocket, "there should be some cash in there. Get the first bottle you find and bring it back here quick. Cut in line if you have to, I don't care. Just be quick." Tim nodded and raced out of the room at a sprint.

Dick moved Bruce's body so that he was lying on his side, in case he threw up, and kept a steady hand on his chest to make sure he kept breathing. Dick wanted to cry, wanted to let everything out, but he had to keep his cool now, for Bruce's sake. If he lost it, he'd lose Bruce too.

"Dear god, come on don't die on me old man", Dick said fervently to him, but softly, as if afraid he might disturb something. "I'll never survive the guilt, and neither will Tim. You'll destroy us both if you give up now, Bruce please don't die."

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When Bruce opened his eyes, he wasn't in his bedroom any longer. It looked as if he were in a field. The grass was rich and green and waved as if buffeted by invisible winds. As far as the eye could see there were waves of grass.

Bruce stood rooted in place, almost unsure of what to do. Then, he saw something on the horizon. He shielded his eyes from the bright sun and saw the rough shape of a person walking. As the shape got closer, it became more pronounced.

It was a young boy, walking carelessly with arms swinging at his sides. He looked only about thirteen from here, but Bruce still couldn't see his face. Then, the boy stopped and looked ahead. "Bruce", he called happily, and started to run towards him. Bruce hardly dared hope. Only when the boy was eight feet away did he cry out the name joyfully.

"Jason!" Jason rushed up and launched himself into Bruce's arms, throwing his arms around his neck. Bruce couldn't believe he was holding the boy again, almost like nothing had happened. He was back to being thirteen again, Tim's age.

Bruce didn't know why and he didn't care. Jason was here, really truly here and in his arms. "Jason", he cried softly, "Ohh Jason, I can't believe you're here." He squeezed him tightly and Jason pulled back a bit, grinning his usual tomcat grin into Bruce's face. Bruce could have gazed at him forever.

"I'm so glad you're here Bruce", he said.

"I'm so sorry for what happened", Bruce began. Jason put a finger on his lips.

"No, no, no, don't talk like that here. Be happy. This is a place for being happy. Now", he said, jumping down from Bruce's arms, "chase me." He raced away from his former mentor, the grass parting like water before him.

Bruce surged after him and Jason shrieked with delight, doing back flips and hand springs trying to stay away. Bruce gave a laugh of sheer joy and went right on chasing him.

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Tim's blood pounded in his ears, to the same rhythm it seemed that he feet pounded the sidewalk as he sprinted down the street. His mind went over Dick's directions as he ran and he tried to keep the image of Bruce lying on the ground out of his head.

The pills, yes he remembered them, the ones he was supposed to buy. He remembered the night he had ingested too much of Ivy's poison after falling into a vat of it. Bruce had force fed him half a bottle of those pills, trying to get him to empty his stomach.

He remembered leaning heavily over Batman's outstretched arm, doubled over in agony, as the dark knight tried as best he could to soothe him while he regurgitated the contents of his stomach over one of the ledges in the cave, tears mingling with the throw up.

He had almost died that day, but that hadn't been why he was crying. He hadn't known at the time what jeopardy he had been in. The poison he had ingested bit at his throat like flame coming back up and it hurt so bad it brought tears to his eyes.

He remembered Bruce's gentle hand rubbing his back to console him, his strong, steady voice as he spoke of the pain going away soon enough and for him not to be scared, how everything was going to be ok.

Tim believed him, he always had. He trusted Batman to tell him the truth, to make all the pain go away. As it turned out, Bruce had given him too many pills in his haste and though after the first day he had been rid of all the poison, he had continued to throw up and couldn't stop.

Bruce had laid him on a bed in the cave with a bucket and hadn't left his side, trying his best to make him feel better. Neither if them had gotten very much sleep during that time, but they had enjoyed each other's company in between Tim's throwing up fits.

To Tim, it was almost like having a real father, in his case, for the first time. Bruce couldn't die now, not when everything, he thought, had been going so well between them. Dick was right. If Bruce died, it would be all Tim's fault, no questions about it.

Tim pounded into the store. The night air seemed to follow him, chilling him as he entered. He surged down to the medicine isle, the money already clinched in his hand. Searching frantically, he located the medicine he wanted and grabbed it off the counter. He started to run towards the door.

"Hey kid", the clerk called, "you pay for that over here." Tim gave a groan and ran up to the line of people waiting to check out. He pushed past the people in line and slapped a twenty on the counter before racing out. "Hey" the man yelled after him, "this is too much."

"Keep the change", Tim screamed, and raced through the automatic doors and into the night. All he could hear was the pounding of his own feet. He wished they would pound faster.

Please dear God, don't let Bruce die. I love him so much and I need him. Please don't let him die. You took my mom and my dad never loved me, but leave me Bruce at least. I need Bruce.

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Bruce caught Jason just as the boy was leaping over a little ravine. They slid down it, giggling, and Bruce tossed Jason over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes before trekking down the ravine and over to a large tree at the bottom. He had to wade through a shallow pool, which surrounded the tree, but he did not get wet.

They collapsed beneath it together laughing. Bruce hauled Jason back over his shoulder and onto his chest. He lay back beneath the tree with his eyes closed and his arms around the boy. He gave an enormous sigh.

"This was fun Bruce", Jason said, "why didn't we do more stuff like this when I was back on earth?" Bruce looked away, feeling suddenly guilty. "Ohh", said Jason, "its ok. I know you were busy. At least we got play now though." He laid his head on Bruce's sternum and breathed heavily. "But", Jason continued, "now we have to be serious."

"What about?" Bruce asked playfully, "all I know is that I have a little boy on my chest who needs to be tickled." He sat up and hauled Jason over his lap, tickling him. Jason shrieked with delight and squirmed.

"No", he screamed, "stop it, have mercy." Bruce stopped finally and Jason lay on his lap, gasping for breath. Bruce looked lovingly down at him. He pushed a strand of his long, brown hair out of his face. In life, that long hair had bothered Bruce. It didn't anymore.

"But now", Jason said, "we really do need to be serious. You have a choice to make, you know."

"What choice?" Bruce asked. "I don't want to make any more choices Jay, you make all the choices."

"Just one more Bruce", Jason said softly, "you only have to make one more."

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Tim raced up the steps to the manor, surging in the door. Dick, he screamed, "I got the pills, I got 'em." He ran up the stairs. He could see Dick, knelt over Bruce's body, doing CPR.

"He stopped breathing just a few minutes ago", Dick said, "I had to get him going again. He's breathing, but just faintly." Tim collapsed to the ground with exhaustion, his chest heaving up and down. He tossed the pills to Dick.

"Here", he said, "these are the right ones, right?"

"Yea", said Dick, "perfect, these are just perfect." He looked over at Tim and said, "just one more thing kiddo, get me some water from the bathroom in a cup or something. Quick."

Tim was absolutely exhausted and he felt like his chest was about to burst, but he obediently trekked to the bathroom and filled a cup with water. Then, he came back, the cup clinched in his fist. Dick hauled Bruce up so that the man was resting in a half sitting position, leaning heavily on Dick's knees. "Alright Bruce", Dick murmured softly, "come on back to me chum, I need you."

He pried open Bruce's mouth and shoved a few pills in before forcing the water. Then both boys started to pray.

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"You have two options Bruce, just two. You can move on to the other side with me if you would like…"

"Why can't we just stay here?" Bruce asked. Jason grinned up at him.

"Don't worry", he said, "the other side is much nicer then this place, and you can see your parents again. We can be together forever with no more pain, no more tears, and no more dying."

Bruce heaved an enormous sigh of relief. His life of suffering was over and he could be with Jason now. He could see his parents. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What other option could there possibly be?" he asked laughingly to Jason, "lets go right now." He started to get up, but Jason put a feather light hand on his chest, sitting up.

"Or", he continued, "you could go back to earth and finish the remainder of your life." Bruce scoffed.

"Years of suffering or happiness with you? I just came from that place Jay, what reason have I for going back?"

"My big brother, for one", Jason said. "He'd be devastated if you left him." Hmm, Bruce hadn't thought about Dick.

"But he's an adult", Bruce replied, "He can take care of himself."

"Perhaps", said Jason, "but what about Tim. Dick will have to take on all your responsibilities for him after you leave. I never got to meet my baby brother Tim, but he looks pretty cool from up here where I've been watching him."

"I wouldn't want to see him get hurt like that. He'd blame himself for your death you know, Dick too. They would be inconsolable. Dick wouldn't be able to take care of Tim the way he deserves because he would be working so hard, trying to keep his job and raise Tim."

"Tim would be miserable. Dick makes a great older brother, but he's not quite ready to be the father of a teenager just yet. I mean, just look at him." Jason touched the water in the pool around the tree with a fingertip and a ripple resounded from where he had touched.

There, Bruce looked down and suddenly saw Dick materialize on the surface of the pool. The boy was crying softly, leaning over Bruce's body. It was strange to see himself lying there, but seeing Dick doubled over in sorrow made his heart lurch. What's wrong with him?" Bruce asked urgently "Is he hurt?"

"No", said Jason, "he's just mourning for you. He can't imagine a life without you. He's still rather young you know. Even if he is an adult, he still needs you." Bruce felt guilt ripple through him at the thought of his eldest crying, and worry, at the thought of him being alone. What would happen to him?

"Where's Tim?" Bruce asked. Jason touched the water again and Bruce suddenly saw Tim, running down the street. "It must be freezing outside", Bruce said urgently, "look at him with only a sweatshirt on. And what's he doing running down the street alone at night? That's dangerous.'

"He did it to save you. He went to get medicine for you." Bruce looked unhappily at his two boys. "I didn't want to cause them this much pain, but I couldn't deal with my own pain anymore."

"Why did you kill yourself Bruce?" Jason asked, putting a hand on Bruce's chest.

"I couldn't deal with the pain of losing you anymore", Bruce replied, "I couldn't deal with the guilt."

"But", Jason said, "it wasn't your fault and no one blames you for it. It was just something horrible that happened, something that shouldn't have happened but it did. Bruce, I love you so much I would give anything to have you stay here with me."

"Then I will", Bruce said.

"But", Jason continued, "I wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt it would cause me to do so. I couldn't deprive my brothers of you for the remainder of their lives. I may have lived a short life, but I got you for many wonderful years. That was good enough for me. Now, they need you. I love having you here Bruce, but they need you more than I do."

"But", Bruce said, "I'll miss you."

"And I'll miss you too Bruce, but we'll see each other again soon, at your _natural_ death. Suicide is never the right path for anyone. My death should have taught you this lesson, about how precious life really is. For now, go back. If not for yourself, then at least for them." He pointed to the images of the two boys in the water. Bruce gazed over at them and then back into Jason's eyes. Jason was smiling at him.

"I'll go back", Bruce said. Jason grinned even more widely at this and threw his arms around Bruce's neck.

"I knew you'd make the right choice Bruce. So, while you're living, don't forget that I love you very much and I don't blame you for what happened at all. I'm happy here Bruce and we'll see each other soon. I want you to have to most wonderful life and celebrate my life by just being happy."

Bruce smiled back at him, tears rolling down his cheeks. He put his arms tightly around Jason and squeezed him as hard as he could without squishing him, as if trying to make a hug that lasted until they would see each other again. "Tell Dick that I said hi." Bruce nodded. "I love you", Jason said.

"I love you too", Bruce replied. He could feel himself growing cold again and could feel Jason fading into the darkness. "I love you", his young voice called once more, resounding in his ears.

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Bruce was suddenly struck with the urge to throw up. Eyes still tightly closed, he leaned to his right and heaved. He coughed and sputtered and leaned heavily against the thing behind him, whatever that was.

He opened his eyes, blinking a few times in the dim light. "Bruce", he heard an excited voice scream. He could see a blur suddenly jump at him, barreling him over and onto his back.

"Timmy", Bruce said, delighted at the feel of his son in his arms.

"Ohh Bruce", Tim moaned, "I thought you were going to die." Tim started to cry and Bruce sat up, leaning against the bed.

He pulled Tim onto his lap and said "Don't worry Timmy, I'm here now. It's ok." He held Tim tightly while the boy cried into his chest, shaking with pent up emotions. Bruce held him gently, rubbing his back.

Bruce looked up, searching for his eldest son. "Dick", he said, "Come here, are you ok?" Dick was just standing there, shaking. "Dick", Bruce asked, "what's wrong son?"

"How could you?" Dick suddenly yelled, "how could you do this to us, you scared us out of our wits and now you act like everything's ok, like its all just better again. We can't just hug and make up Bruce, because you're dead wrong if you think everything's ok."

"I had to grow up with this hanging over me and you don't know what kind of torture that was to me. I never knew how long I had left with you because I was sure one of these days in your wallowing in self pity, you were gona pull out a gun and shoot your own damn head off."

"I hated it, hated every damn minute of not knowing and now your gona put Tim through this. That kid ran all the way to the drug store in the dark, to get those pills for you. I don't know if I would have had the guts to do that when I was his age. I know you're sad about Jay, we all are, but for Christ's sake move on Bruce."

"You have a life. You have me, you have Tim. You're better off then a lot of other people in this world and you would be selfish enough to take you own life. I had to grow up thinking that I wasn't enough for you, that you needed your parents and that I wasn't enough. I'm still not enough and now you have Tim too and he's not enough. Why isn't Tim good enough for you to live for?" Dick's voice dropped an octave and Bruce could see the pain painted over his son's features.

In his softest voice, Dick murmured, "Why aren't I?" Bruce had been silent through Dick's whole rant, Tim too. The boy suddenly looked up at Bruce, blue eyes shinning. Bruce pressed him to his side.

"You're absolutely right Dick", he said.

"I…I what?" Dick stammered, surprised he was actually told he was being right for once.

"Every time I make you worry like this I'm being selfish. Making Tim run out into the night to try and save me was being selfish. But, I promise you son, I'm not going to be selfish anymore. I understand now that everything's going to be ok. I promise, this isn't going to happen again. This was the last time. I'm sorry Dick, and I hope you forgive me."

Tears welled up in Dick's eyes and he rushed into Bruce arms. Bruce held him and Tim gently, heaving an enormous sigh. "No more crying alright", he said, "lets go out on patrol and beat the crap out of some muggers, just the three of us."

"Ok", said Tim excitedly. Bruce smiled at him and looked down at Dick. The boy gave him a tweaked half smile and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Ohh", said Bruce, "I almost forgot, Jason says hi."


End file.
